There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
