you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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