forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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