I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
