I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
