i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
two words...techno handjob
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
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