I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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