your room smells of hookers.
And success
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize