i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
