just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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