If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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