i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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