if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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