that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
