You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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