Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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