I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
My life is pants optional.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
