Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Randomize
