He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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