She said her name was "party"
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize