Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
