well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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