singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
