Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
