Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize