Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
