I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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