Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
