Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
