Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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