i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Randomize
