good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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