I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
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