Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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