If that was your dad, he is hot
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
