Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
