Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
