forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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