I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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