YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
