Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
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