I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I am available for nakedness
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize
