You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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