Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
