Me too!
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
