i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
