Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
