Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
