I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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