it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
