East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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