I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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