glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize