It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
