I can tuck mytits in my pants
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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