Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
