last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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