good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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