Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Randomize