11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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