I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
